But today i wrote this entry, not trying to defend myself of my inconsistency, but i was trying to preserve the best memory i have this ever.
Kejadian awalnya ada di hari sabtu minggu lalu. when this guy suddenly blew up about 11th feb's chinese new year celebration. katanya, bisa engga gua bantu dia, tanganin satu sesi main musik. waktu itu gw cuma bilang, dia yang in charge, gua sih ngikut aje. gitu. sampe akhirnya hari ini gua bener2 main di KKR itu.
well, sebelum berangkat gw bingung harus ikut rombongan mana, so i ask him. pertamanya dia bilang dia berangkat dluan jam 4, so i need to find another lodge. tapi berapa saat kemudian dia bilang, " ikut kami aja, kak. jam 4. jadi bisa latihan dulu disana."
then that's how i ended up dangling him like a tail.
sepanjang acara itu dia melakukan semuanya dengan baik. he treat me well, meski beberapa kali dia bikin gue kesel juga, nyamperin cewe depan mata gue, ato seperti biasa memuji cewe lain didepan gue.
but that's not the end. gua menemukan matanya memandang gua 2 kali, without i know the reason behind those gaze. but i was quite sure that this punk knows that i love his two clear eyes.
waktu penghargaan akhir, semua pengisi acara n koordinator dikasi karangan bunga. He got one too.
tapi gua gak sadar dia turun dari panggung, tapi kembali ke tempat duduk tanpa bawa karangan bunga itu. waktu acara udah ditutup, gua bangun dari tempat duduk, lalu liat dia berbelok kearah gua. i thought that he would say thanks and handshake me, like what they do usually, formally. but then he get closer to me amongst the crowd with a manful expression- i could see a slight tension in his mien; and said undertone, " Bunganya aku taruh dibangku, buat kak ike aja."
I've lost at the moment that i could only said, " oh, iya." with my eyes stabbed at the ground.
lalu dia bilang dengan senyum dimatanya, watching me casually sambil berlalu, " aku mana pantes sama bunga." laugh, and dive a while.
and I almost cried (as in screaming) when i see those bouquet really was laid there, cutely on the chair.
lalu setelahnya gua masih berharap bisa pulang satu mobil, tapi ternyata memang ga harus berharap banyak. dia nunggu diluar mobil, tapi setelah di kasih tau mobil gw ga bakal muat, dia beranjak pergi. tapi sebelum pergi, dia sadar gua duduk di bagian belakang mobil, deket kaca. Lalu dia ketok kaca kenceng2, tapi setelah itu pura2 gak liat. I thought i need to put a smile on for him before he leave, but as usual, when he knew me eyes were around him, he'll indifferently walk away, without even turning back. bad punk...
i want to willingly let everything go, like i said before. I don't want to define that deed as a welcome sign for me.
I don't want anything stop my steps away from him. but it's just too sweet to be true, that i thought i was dreaming.
but back to reality, i have to tell myself -once again- don't hope anything, jangan berharap apapun, Gidae Ha ji Ma.
just adore him and love him unconditionally, easily, softly.
i think that's all for now. terlalu banyak pikiran yang seenaknya mampir dikepala gua. i need to settle everything down.
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