1,2 Today to. 3,4 Yesterday to. 5,6 Tomorrow to, I'm walking away

7 Oktober 2012 D-day
It's hard to believe, but I know I got to face it.

8 Oktober 2012 D+1
I got to tell him. But how?

9 Oktober 2012 D+2
I told him. He was looking straight at me, calm within his words. That night I knew for sure, I was never really an important part of his life. But at a brief moment before the talk, I looked at him thoroughly, I thought - I know it's not about pushing someone away, but- I can't promise my self  that I can push him away. That's why I said so, greedily.

10 Oktober 2012 D+3
What was last night? He told me he's fine whether I forget him or not. Will he seriously fine? I was trembling so much, though. I know his indecisiveness was to protect both of us, so that we won't get totally dissolved in this feeling. When he acted like he's all fine, still he showed that he'll think about it. I sorry him that I couldn't explain everything well, because each time I open my mouth I keep trying to say a same thing, "Wait for me, I beg you.". Since for me right now, no one as flawy flawless as him.

11 Oktober 2012 D+4
I saw him in my dream. How can I drift away from him? How can I lose him? He told me he's fine even it's not him. But I don't know whether I'll be fine if it isn't me. I want him to be my future, badly. Rasanya kaya sembelit, tau apa yang benar, tapi rasanya ingin lari dan melawan. Kapan gua bisa menerima kenyataan ya? Tapi dari hal ini pun gw tau memang gw belum dewasa.

update

21 Oktober 2012 D+14
Muncul perasaan "apa iya". Logika mulai nyala lagi, tapi masih redup. Permennya masih terlalu enak untuk di lupakan. Masih terus berharap ada akhir yang lain selain menanti lebih lama.

23 Oktober 2012 D+16
The urge keeps coming. I hope i'm in a sort of action movie, where the main actor can do what ever they wish; and no one seem to oppose their act. A world of themselves.

7 November 2012 D+31
He acknowledged our situation, the feeling between us. He slipped the word "I'm taken" in front of the boys.

update

23 December 2012 D+77
Seventy seven days after. Berapa waktu ini gua lupa gua harus apa. This feeling keep growing bigger and bigger. I feel that I'm getting closer and closer to him. Pretty afraid but this is so beautiful. Painstakingly beautiful; to let go.