I don't know how to deal with word "quit"

dari jumat minggu lalu juga ada tanda yang menunjukkan bahwa softspoken menarik diri dari gua. entah cuma perasaan doang, tapi hati gua udah antisipasi bahwa kayanya waktu untuk berhenti sudah dekat.

Hari ini, dia cerita bahwa ada seorang hamba Tuhan yang dia suka di cabang gereja lain. tentang gimana orang2 jodoh2in dia sama wanita itu, gimana dia juga pernah ngobrol sama wanita itu. I'm happy to hear it, actually. But it hurts. I told him to move and get this girl. He said he had thought about it but something came up and he stopped.

katanya dia mengalami trauma. gua bilang gua bahkan belum pernah pacaran tapi gua trauma sama 2736, dia tanya apa Aris juga trauma, gua bilang "mungkin"; dia bilang ayo kita bikin klub trauma.

it's just a joke, but i could feel that he is counting on me.

dia cerita tentang dirinya yang dulu, how life changed his thoughts about love, meski gua blm tau apa yang bikin dia putus sama pacar terdahulunya.

Ternyata dugaan gua bener. He's a player. Was, Is.

He told me that he is romantic; eventhough he didn't have to say it- it's obvious.

He said he could get any girl he wants.

I'm amazed-which i may not do because he captured me too-

because he can always get who he wants.

I envy that charm. I want it to~

What i hate the most is when he mentioned that that woman is "Sweet". The word which i want to hear from him.

Darn! I'm going to cry.

i don't want to hear about any of that, i don't want to know.

My heart grunted when he talked about that topic. But still, i'm happy that he told me everything he had in his head.

He said he is afraid. Said that something made him think twice when it comes to relationship.

I don't know that i will love him this much. I don't know that i could be a fool when i love someone. I know, but it's different when it really happens to me. I become blind, deaf, foolish.

I want to become his cell phone

I want to become his tee shirt

I want to become his towel

I want to smile to him everyday

I want to hear his laugh everyday

I want to share everything i have with him

I want to be air which he breathes

I want to be a good friend of him

I want to be a family to him

I want to see him when he cries

I want to hear his voice all the time

I love him that much

and i think it will hurt a lot when the game is over.

I think i'll cry so much that i melt.

I prayed to God, "I don't want to quit."

This is impossible. I'm selfish, but i really don't want to quit.

He is becoming my dream, an obsession. this is stupid. I'm only eighteen.

One hope. It's simple -as usual. Only once, hope he ever see me as a good Woman.